Sorri for the long awaiting...
how I wish to sae tat im really back...
but the fact is tat im still as buzy as a bee....
now days, go to rush alot of project and stuff so really got no time to update~
sign....
where does the time goes???
its like 10 month since i last update le....
Ani1 miss mi??
haha well tonite i got alot to write so jux to let ur knoe how tired and sad i am no....
As life goes on, i find it veri different fm wat i got be4....
i use to lead a life where by i dun really trouble tis much.....
Now adays, im been really upset about alot of things~
i wun like to take this time to sae everything out to release my stress...
PPL~ plz bear wif mi alrite??
OK ill start wif my sck things ba~
My current sck life is in a mess... not onli i skip lesson, im not like wat i use to be le...
how to sae leh~ erm........
ok i put it this way, wen im still in the 1st yr of higher nitec......
im a guy tat pursuit my dream....
to go poly to get my cert and go out to gt mi a job......
my career 2 be a mechanic.....
im on the path to my success.....
but thing r so wrong abt it now.....
i use to tell myself tat i muz go sck to study n make my dream comes true~
but the fact that now im gifin up......
i was 1ce a guy tat NEVER gif up aniting in my life.....
now, i had change..... i fell tat im a loser in tis world.....
although i kept asking other ppl not to gif up but mi myself nv do it.....
i found it veri stupid.... im like making a fool of myself.....
i jux cant believe tat i gif up tings so eazily.....
i really hate this kind of mi.......
but i really cant do anithing abt it.....
even i really cheer myself up times n times again......
after awhile, im back again with tis kind of concept......
i really wat to turn back the way i use to be.....
some how i dun tink its possible anymore.....
coz i already have changed... n i cant change back again....
im really upset about this... but no1 knows about it...
not even my galfrenz.....
im really regard...... but wat to do.....
hope tats things will get better ba......
the sceond thing i wanna sae its about my curfew......
do your guys have ground rules in ur huse???
something like.... muz be home by 8.30 lah or muz slp b4 12 lah all tis....
well guess wat, i got lots of lots of STUPID and meaninglesss rule printed out in black n white and require mi 2 sign on it.....
for ur guy information, im staying at my sis huse....
all the Rules r set by my brother-in-law.....
he say tat he wan to help mi to become a better person.....
so all this rules has it use....
to mi, i really find it v.stupid lor.... long b4 i came here, he's the 1 who ask mi whether can shift over to take care my sis de... although i didnt do a great job but at least i did my best le....
i cant take care so mani ppl at 1 shot de wor...
yet i hab to take care of my sis n my gal......
both r importan to mi so wat can i do???
i really dislike staying here animore....
their strip off my freedom n gif mi HELL
and now they like using the rules to contol my life.....
since i shift in the huse, i kept changing for them...
my time r all gone.....
i cant do my things at nite, my com got shift out the room.....
i cant do this n cant do that....
its really getting on my nerves............
and to top it up, my bro-in law's mother shift in n make things worst......
i dun really believe the chinese horo coz im born in the year of tiger n his mum is born in the year of dragon....
theres a saying... dragon tiger fight!!!
so wat i do she dun like n wat she do i dun ike too....
but becoz she's the OWNER mother, i got to respect her.....
when she rite, im at fault....
when she's wrong, im at fault 2....
wanna know y?? becoz she got the OWNER to help her ma...
i dun have ani blood relation wif him, so he can dun gif a fuck about mi n jux restrict mi and scold mi.....
i always at fault... no matter whos wrong, im the 1 to blame....
how about her mum??? she always rite......
i hate him.... i hat his mum too..... i hate the rules.....
wat i hate the most is my parent.....
tell ur after tis.......
all i can sae is life in this huse SUCKS TO THE MAX!!!!!
Thirdly, since i have mention abt my parent b4, lets talk abt my parents now........
thanks to my parent, im out to tis world...
but another "THANKS" 4 bringin mi up and gifin mi tons of stress and problems....
well as always, my parent are v.poor.... my father see tat thing r not the way their wan any more... so he take a gambling.....
he won lots of cash and brought a 4 room flat at bishan......
at 1st he tot that it was lady luck gifing him the luck....
but after a few months later, things change.......
he start losing lots n lots of money.......
in the end, he lose his flat and most imporantly, his family.....
y do i sae so, coz we all gif up on him le.....
he can make up alot of stories jux to bulff my mum to borrow him money...
wat a jerk~
not onli he drag my mum in it, he oso nv 4gt to drag his children wif him 2......
i really hate them so much thaat i wanted to tie down the relation wif them....
but i think ur ppl should knoe its impossible de la~
ok now the forth thing i wanna sae abt its my life..... thing in my mind, FUCK UP.......
i hate my life....... this life really bother mi lot....
i had to worried about so mani things... sign.......
dun ask mi about this animore..... i cant realy answer uj now....
all i can sae its mybe it fate ba~
and the last thing i wanna talk about is my galfrenz.....
as wat ur can c, i love her v.much....
ill do anithing 4 her to make her happi.....
we use to be happi all the times.....
but as my living condition change, she change 2......
im really glad tat she still beside mi....
but i dun hab the feeling on her animore...
its not tat i dun love her le....
but i cant sence her animore....
times n times again she's trying to control mi n really dun know about it.....
maybe i dote her too much le ba.....
so she had change to wat she is now........
i can sae, she change my life alot......
i can sae too tat she had changes mi as well.......
while wif her, i learn alot of things.......
and also start worring abt alot of things.....
i use to live in a stress free life.....
nv stress about anithing b4... yes anithing at all.....
i do wat i like, eat wat i wan n go where i wanna go.....
as 4 now i hab to think for her everytimes.......
here n der, now and then......
always gif her wat she wans and wat she likes,
always worry abt her got money anot, im always the 1 who pay the food money but nv ask back.... always do things 4 her... care 4 her... love her... and willing to gif her my life.....but 1 day sumthing strike my mind, i did so mani things 4 her, how much do i get back??? i start questioning myself wat do i really wan to get from her.....
i feel so lost wen i ask myself this question.....
wat else do i wan from this relationship......
in the end im upset wif her due to the fact that she didnt really do lots of things to make mi feel love.....
am i ju xnot content enough???
or im jux being greedy?????
i keep asking myself this question......
but i cant seems to find the real asnwer myself....
ani hint??? how about i use life line??? or 50/50???
life is so boring.....
in terms of wat i do......
its repeating n repeating over n over again.....
wat a robotic life.....
sign.... how i wish i can start working now.......
as least i can ake a living n got enough money for us........
Last words......
To my parent.....
Thanks 4 bring mi up....
but im sorri tat im so rebel against ur....
coz ur really piss mi off......
plz take care of urself.....
in my heart i do still respect ur n love ur.......
To my bro-in-law....
FUCK U MOTHER FUCKER......
1 day ill prove u wrong.....
ill prove u tat without ur so call guild, i still can manage my life......
DUN BLOODY LOOK DOWN ON MI U FUCKING ASSHOLE~!~! BTW, U R NOT ALWAYS RITE!!!!!
(NO MATTER WAT HAPPEN, ILL SUPORT MY SIS TILL THE END......FUCK U ASSHOLE!!!)
To Lao Chee Bye(bro-in-law mum)
FUCK U 2 CHEE BYE.......
u too dun look down on mi.... ill prove u wrong too....
Tis is not ur huse too......
plz dun act so big ok.....
im not ur fucking worker 2....
dun bloody commman mi u fucking chee bye.......
(IF ANYTHING HAPPEN TO FYNN FYNN, I SWEAR 2 ALL THE LIVING THING IN TIS WORLD THAT ILL BRING U DONW........ I GRANT-DAMN-TEE ILL.... FUCKING LAO CHEE BYE.....)
To mY Baby.......
Life is tough.....
life wif mi is even tougher....
hope u can understand my stand n my stress n problems.....
i still love u as be4... its jux tat my temper is not v.good.....
let us change 2gether ba~
i love u baby.....
i really do.......
4give mi 4 wat i did.........
as 4 u, i'll nv blame u.......
dun need to apologise to mi....
jux show mi ur love............
i love u.......
To all my fans~
Thanks 4 all ur support!!!
but im still ned to settle my stuff and exams.....
plz be patience ok.....
ill be back after my exams....
a promise i sae its a promise i keep....
i promise ill be back....
cya all......
cheers~